If you've never been to one of the many music festivals that take up most of the weekends from the end of May to the start of September then you really haven't lived. If you are one of those new recruits to the festival experience that have chosen Download to dip your toe in the potentially muddy water, then there are some basic do and don't style unwritten rules that make the whole weekend run smoothly. If you've been before, we may have some tips you might not be aware of. Some of the house rules apply to all but each event has its own character and challenges. We present Room Thirteen’s Survival Guide to Download 2005.
If you don't have a car then Download is a pain in the arse to get to: Fact!
The most straight forward option for non drivers is a train to either Derby or Loughborough and find the handy shuttle buses. It's in handy walking distance of the airport, that is of course if lugging a tent and the rest of your crap for an hours walk in the June sunshine is up your alley, for the most of you though find a pair of wheels if at all possible. Then, sit back, relax, turn the stereo up to full blast, look forward to Black Sabbath; Feeder; System of a Down and the like, and prepare to queue. Last year, the wait to get into the campsite was, at worst, six hours. In my experience I'm not sure if getting into or out of a festival is less fun. That said, it will take a lot to beat my second visit to Reading where the nice man on security directed us to an overflow car park that was half way to Oxford, or so it seemed. We then had to lug all our stuff on a boat back to the site. Fortunately, Download doesn't have the back up of river transport, so as long as you get there early, like Wednesday then you should be laughing. The campsite opens at midday on Wednesday 8th. The actual festival site opens midday Friday and then 10 am Saturday and Sunday. Although the campsite closes on Monday 13th at midday, I'd be in favour of getting the hell out of there on Sunday night, especially if the rumours of tent burning on the last night start to spread.
Once in, and it isn't as bad as I've made it out to be, really, try our do and don’t guide to festivals.
DO:
Take your own alcohol. It may give you more to carry but it's much better than queuing for ages to spend 3 pounds on watered down beer. Queuing is made even less enjoyable as the weekend progresses as even the least sweaty of people may have a certain atmosphere about them. The organizers are saying that no alcohol is to be brought on site, by this we can assume the actual arena, as I'd like to see them try an airport style check on every car to hunt out booze in the boot. The security people can be a touch enthusiastic when looking for smugglers and in the past we've seen sandwich spread confiscated from inside a sleeping bag, just because it was glass so stick to cans where possible. Also the tried and tested trick of letting a girl carry it in her trousers/shorts/skirt/whatever can prove successful.
DON’T:
Attempt to go for a dump unless it's absolutely necessary. The smell of the portaloos and the general experience is certainly life changing. A good toilet tip is to use the ones in the Exhibition Centre, they're clean and not many people know about them and so they stay clean. While there it would be rude not to take advantage of the very reasonably priced café.
DO:
Try and memorize as much of the schedule as possible. Not only will you loose the piece of paper with the running order on, but the band whose set you’ve planned your day round will be on late and you're not going to recognize the preceding act are you! You could try the nice man standing next to you but, as I've found in the past, you've picked the only bloke on site with no English whatsoever. If you've got a funky WAP phone thing you can do a lot worse than use our handy Download site, link at the bottom.
DON’T:
Expect to see everyone you came for. Festival organizers have a canny knack of putting your two most favourite of bands on at the same time.
And at either end of the site.
DO:
Approach some of the lesser stages with the same kind of attitude of an inexperienced punter at a greyhound track or the once a year better on the Grand National. If the name is good then take a look. In the past I highlighted the most excellent Eighties Matchbox B-Line Disaster as a must see, purely as their name made me laugh. Other finds have included a rap-based outfit called People Under the Stairs and Dog.
DON’T:
Expect to sleep; it's overrated anyway!
There's an airport near by and unless like me you live near one and are used to it, you haven't got a hope in hell so just don't bother.
Also this isn't a fashion parade. I've never been to Homelands but I've heard about girls turning up dressed as if they were going clubbing on a Friday night, stilettos in a field - genius! I realise this isn't an issue for Download, or shouldn't be. Wellies are a pain in the ass though, so if you can get your hands on walking boots instead they do the trick if the weather is rubbish and you won't have as much blister risk. Costumes are cool though and, even if I wouldn't personally head down that road, it's funny to look at so the more the better.
When I came back from my first, which was Reading in 2001, I thought that the music festival had been dreamt up by a dictatorship as a way of lulling the scum into a false sense of security by offering them a good weekend living below the poverty line so that when they returned to their dull and disappointing daytime lives, they would appreciate the simple things they had, like running water and a toilet that flushed. Had that actually been the case it would have worked as the feeling of satisfaction of using your own toilet and having a shower is incomparable, especially for a first timer.
Most people have some sort of claim to fame, and it would be rude to doubt them, especially if they have booze and yours is running low. If you don't have the good fortune to mingle with rock n' roll's friends and relations, maybe you'll be lucky enough to cross paths with the down right hilarious. Drunks are there for one purpose - amusement!
Also, try selling random food to druggies with them thinking it may improve their weekend. Sainsbury's muffins have, in the past, made a confused festivaler feel he was missing out on something amazing.
If you're off to Donington, or, like me this year, are missing out on the fun, RoomThirteen are there en masse to either add to your enjoyment or help you to sample the atmosphere. If you're there you can access line up news, reviews and other essential news from:
http://download.roomthirteen.com
Through your phone WAP browser. For those not attending, you'll be able to see it for yourself with the photos, coming live as it happens. There's no need for anyone to wait to read about it in the music press the following week.