Christmas songs are a strange phenomenon that surfaces every Winter (or now even as early as October) but usually triggers little debate; in fact they're the only tunes that people noticeably start humming along to in public. They inspire in us festive cheer, whether they also drive us crazy or not, but do any of these seasonal nuggets have any musical integrity? I offer the opinion that there is one true Christmas melody that can be enjoyed throughout the year without embarrassment or stunned shock that you ever bought such a cheesy record. Ladies and gentlemen, I present you with The Pogues 'Fairytale of New York'.

This might be very predictable, as 'Fairytale of New York' is definitely a festive favourite, topping VH1's Best Christmas Song Ever poll in 2004, but the reasons for our collective love of this song are simple to see. The Pogues created the only Christmas song with any hint of realism, far from being a "fairytale" the boozy story of festive hopes and dreams is something everyone can relate to, it packs a spirited punch. Moreover 'Fairytale of New York' is utterly romantic, but again, totally down to earth, none of us are really going to be swept away to some far-flung location for a festive rendez-vous, but Shane MacGowan and Kirsty MacColl's slurred antagonism epitomises perfect dewy-eyed Christmas togetherness, even down to the delightful insults, which inevitably ensue after a long Christmas Day. Within the first few lilting bars, 'Fairytale of New York' will have me filled with the true spirit of Christmas; it's about putting the misplaced hope from believing in Father Christmas into those around you and loving whatever bloody-minded devil you've ended up with! That lilting folk melody and swaggering rhythm will have me dancing ceilidh-style down any shop floor any time of the year, and that's why this song deserves all the praise it gets and every girl secretly hopes for a Shane MacGowan stand-in, rather than a Prince Charming at this time of year.

Of course, on the other hand, there are a lot of Christmas tunes that can only be described by one word: fake. These songs are completely benign and lacking in any sentiment and the most they hope for is a big pile of presents; some of these tunes are fun and fit into the novelty category, like The Waitresses 'Christmas Wrapping'. Other just make you feel like shooting yourself right now, even if you don't reach the holy holiday, like Destiny's Child's '8 Days of Christmas'; while Shane MacGowan has no gifts to offer other than keeping your dreams alive, Destiny's Child are so lucky to be given, "a pair of Chloe shades & a diamond belly ring". Yes, Christmas is about comparing your bling in a cheesy song that claims, but dramatically fails to cover the "spirit of Christmas". At this point I have pleasant delusions about Mr McGowan and co. staggering into the divas' dressing room and launching into a charming tirade, are you listening Santa?


Then there are the goodwill records, the visions of some of our great songwriters and activists, 'Happy Xmas (War Is Over)', 'Do They Know It's Christmas?' these are thoughtful and touching tunes designed to wake us from our festive hedonism, although recent covers by c-list celebrities do little to convey the original meanings. Other vaguely intellectual seasonal wonders include Greg Lake's 'I Believe In Father Christmas', one of the few other Christmas songs that I'll salute as offering any realism, although it simultaneously knocks dead the unerring optimism of the former goodwill tunes with its stoic lyrics, "They said there'd be peace on earth [...] The Christmas we get, we deserve". Fine words!

Even further down the food chain are the sentimental songs; they fill you with tears for 2 months of the year, which gives them more merit than Beyonce, but let's face it, there are few with any true integrity. 'Driving Home For Christmas', 'It's Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)' and David Essex's 'A Winter's Tale' are all stunning examples of these schmaltzy numbers that even macho men will indulge in for a short period each year. Nowadays there are all several hundred covers of all of these revered Christmas classics with bands from Jimmy Eat World to Death Cab For Cutie making these numbers their own, when of course what we're really waiting for on Christmas Eve is the new Messiah of festive songs to appear and liberate us from years of darkness under the spell of Wham! and co.

So, if you're looking for a festive song to believe in, there's only one choice and it will keep all your tipsy dreams alight.