R13 sent Jim Ody off to find out more about the Lancashire Hotpots and their strange northern ways from lead singer/guitarist Bernard Thresher.
Room Thirteen:Just in case it's not apparent to our good readers, what are the 3 best reasons for living in Lancashire?
Bernard Thresher: Ale, Pies on a barm cake and us.
R13:Okay, let's put some of those stereotypical misconceptions to bed,with a little bit of true or false:
i) I discipline my wife/girlfriend/lover/boyfriend/ladyboy by the good old fashioned physical means that I've become accustomed.
BT: False, it's 2007 not 2005.
ii) I own, or have raced pigeons.
BT: True for many a fella!
iii) I own a whippet.
BT: Not personally but they sure are pretty...
iv) I drink at least 10 pints when I go out.
BT: Before I go out.
v) I've worked down and mine or in a factory.
BT: True and if you haven't tha dunt know thas born.
vi) Hot beach holidays are for jessies.
BT: Honestly, what's wrong wi Skeggy?
vii) Pie and gravy can be eaten with anything.
BT:Would you like a list? How long we got?
R13: And just so as you can get your own back, what are your favourite clichés of southerners?
BT:(long intake of breath) Light footed, shandy drinking, pink shirt wearing, extras from Eastenders with stupid hair cuts that cost £80 by some guy called Guy and bright teeth!
R13:Who came up with the band's concept? Is it the same person that writes your songs?
BT: Dickie planted the seed and watched it grow as we suckled from his humour teat. Draining him of his comedy milk and then replenishing his stock with our own regurgitated ramblings of Lancashire life in this modern age we call the modern age.
R13:You've got some great everyday-life subject matter in your songs, however have you ever written anything and thought that maybe it was a little to risqué, or controversial and therefore decided against recording
it?
BT: A car journey with me and Willie is the set that Bernard Manning never did. There's a blue album in us without a doubt, but we're family fellas. Keep it clean.
R13:Who are the main musical and non musical influences of the band?
BT:Musically we are inspired by the mating calls of the swan. We all have swans tattooed on our ankles because they mean that much to us, a bit like that druggy fella and mate had The Libraryteens wrote on their arm. You know who I mean. Non-musically we are constantly surprised and affected by the fashion of Mutya from the Sugababes.
R13:Is there anyone that the band would like to collaborate with either writing-wise, or live?
BT:Perhaps a crossover act with the mighty Sir Cliff? Without a shadow of a doubt we'd all love to have a long session in the studio with Bouncy. Her high-pitched tremolo vocals would sound marvelous over a new track we're working on called "Some like it hot. Me? I prefer Mild"!
R13:So emo fans have the hair, pop/punk fans have the sweatbands,
Metallers the satanic ensemble, so are your fans bringing the flat cap and
tank top back? What do you think of the music and fashion mix?
BT:It's essential that people grab hold of the fashion. Only then will the circle be complete. When we started the band we were but the learners, now we are the masters.
R13: Have you got any rock'n'roll stories that you can tell us?
BT: No. Most of them are far too boring to tell. Although there was incident with a scotch egg...
R13:If you decided to have another band member, what are the 5 things that they would have to have, play, like or wear in order to be seriously considered?
BT I think we've definitely decided that any new member would have
to provide their own costume, dance moves, pole, breasts and dirty mouth. Closed auditions will take place soon in Willie's house. Alabaster!
R13: What is the most listened to album by the whole band in the van, or on the local bus, when on tour?
BT: 'Jesus Built My Hotrod' by Ministry. They've got a great sense of humour, those boys. Their mums love 'em ya know.
R13:So what's next for The Lancashire Hotpots?
BT: We're doing an exercise video, a calendar, a range of action figures, cook book with complimentary T.V. series, appear on Big Brother and getting leathered. (none of these things are likely to happen. Apart from getting leathered obviously. Ta Dar!)
You can read R13's review of the band here and check out their myspace page here.