Lose the sausage for hardcore quorn.
When I was ten I had a great pair of brown and cream Y-fronts; fitting snugly like a second skin, with a colour that was both practical and retro before retro was cool, these were one of my favourite items of clothing, however if pushed by peers I may’ve proclaimed that it was in fact my fake Swindon Town football t-shirt, or my comical ‘Crocodile Duck-Dee’ t-shirt that were indeed my favourite items and not my faithful smalls..this is how I feel about The Lancashire Hotpots. They may be closer to fool than cool, but these jolly lads from ‘Up Norf’ are a guilty pleasure that won’t get you locked up or divorced.
This is the band’s third album after the fantastic, ‘Never Mind The Hotpots’ which spawned such instant classics as ‘He’s Turned EMO’, ‘I Met A Girl On Myspace’ and ‘Chippy Tea’, and the equally good follow up album, ‘Pot Sounds’, that had ‘I Fear Ikea’, ‘CHAV’ and ‘The Girl From Bargain Booze’ as highlights. We even had a mini Christmas album that as a great marketing ploy was released at Christmas and included karaoke versions of some of the band’s best known songs. After a quick listen you will be able to tell that the band don’t deviate too far from their successful path, although the songs probably have more of a musical range then previous offerings.
The first song starts of with the upbeat track of, ‘Identity Fraud’ which has the band at their most rocking yet. Lyrically we have a comical view of having your identity taken via your credit card. Then in the slow and thoughtful track, ‘Landlord, Lock The Door’ which interestingly enough suggests that since the laws changed for 24hr drinking, the anarchy and decadence of good old fashioned pub lock-in’s are a thing of the past. Then we have classic Hotpots in the Chas’N’Dave-esque of, ‘I’d Take The Cars Off ‘Em’, that suggest that, “If you’re not Jeremy Clarkson // Then you don’t own the road!” Great stuff!
Next up to some Status Quo swaying-Rock’n’roll we have the veggie-friendly ditty of, ‘Hardcore Quornography’, that has the great lines of, “I’d murder for a burger // Yeah Yeah // I’d kill for a mixed grill // Yeah Yeah // I’d die for a pork pie // Yeah Yeah // Chop off my leg for a scotch egg // Yeah Yeah// But if I eat ‘em then my bedroom privileges are withdrawn // I’ve no bloomin’ option: hard-core Quorn!” Next we have the happy song about stealing the internet connection from your neighbours wireless router in, ‘Sniffling Next Door’s Broadband’, before the fantastic Pirate jig of, ‘Cinema Smugglers’. This is one of those songs that I could pick any of the lyrics as they are all great so I’ll just give you the first few lines: “Well we all like the cinema, an going to the flicks // But I won’t pay a tenner for your ruddy pick’n’mix // ‘An popcorns over four-pound a bag! // So I become a pirate and smuggle in some swag! // With a shiver me Pringles, an a yo-ho-ho // We bring our own sweets and they’ll never ever know // Smuggling our own confectionary // Ah-ha, cinema smugglers we be!” It’s this sort of humour that we all know too well - who hasn’t bought Maltesers from Woolies (before they closed down) before going into the cinema? In fact the two used to be next door to each other in Weymouth!
‘Released Without Charge’ pokes an accusing finger at celebrities never ending up in prison but being let off, and all with the drum segment from The Bill added in seamlessly! Then we have a great ballad of, ‘Perks Of The Job’ about giving yourself a little bonus at work, “I’ve not bought paper for my printer for about 3 years!” Bernard sings at one point, before the chorus goes, “Perks of the job // I’m at work and I’m on the rob // I’m gonna take whatever I can fit in my pocket // To make me feel better and they just can’t stop it // I’ll be stuck in this job until I reach my old age // I wouldn’t do it if they paid me a decent wage // Until they do then I’m gonna go to town // And ‘elp meself to anything that’s not nailed down!”
The Lancashire Hotpots are musically skilful at adapting their style to fit the comedic direction of the song, and coupled with the fact that sometimes they make me laugh so much that a bit of wee comes out, I really can’t praise them anymore than that. The important thing is that the songs that I don’t think are strong are still good songs and are more a matter of either musical or comedic taste. For me the stand out tracks are ‘Cinema Smugglers’ and ‘Perks Of The Job’ and indeed someone else must love the latter too as my copy of the album has it included twice!
The band played on two stages at Glastonbury last year, toured with Paddy McGuiness, who along with Steve Lamacq are big fans and have sold out their current ‘Ooh Me Knees’ tour, forcing the band to book a follow up tour later in the year. Get in there!