Do you reckon they eat a lot of curry?
Firewind. Firewind. I'll say it again: Fire...wind. Yep, it's just as bad as Def Leppard, Skid Row and Thunder. Personally I don't think the decision to brand a band with a name that conjures images of someone shooting sheets of flame out of their arse is a particularly judicious one. But maybe I'm wrong.
Some may argue that it's forgivable because they're Greek. It's not. That's like saying the illegal invasion of Iraq was okay because George W. Bush and Tony Blair are mindless twats. Incompetence, stupidity and drunkenness ain't adequate excuses in my book. People who suffer from these afflictions should be ousted from society and extradited to the Isle Of Wight to eke out a living at the Blackgang Chine amusement park until they shuffle off this mortal coil.
However, names rarely matter when it comes to music - just ask Meatloaf and David Hasselhoff - and when all's said and done, this album is so bloody good that I'm going to forgive them anyway. So hopefully the members of Firewind (stop sniggering) will be tremendously relieved to hear that I'm not gonna suggest they change their name to Flamingguff or Burningfart - which I did think about - even if I do think they're imbued with a certain je ne sais quoi and would make marketing a cinch.
No excuses when it comes to the cover though: it's startlingly horrendous. A blatant rip-off of Whitesnake's 'Slip Of The Tongue' - or indeed '1987' - the jacket of 'Allegiance' is proof positive that although heavy rock/metal is currently riding a wave of resurgence, it doesn't mean that anyone has got round to telling industry art directors that the records look stupid. However, I seriously doubt that these creatives intuitively spin their rolodexes for Julian Opie's number when they hear that their next project is designing a cover for the new Firewind album. They're more likely to take a quick browse through a tattoo catalogue before hitting Tate Modern for a large glass of Pinot and a Silk Cut Ultra. Wankers.
Thankfully, all this silliness makes perfect sense when the title track kicks in...TRUST ME. This album is a bright, irascibly perky and respectful conflagration of metal, cock-rock, thrash and melodic death and, taken with a pinch of salt and a willingness to suspend your disbelief, it's a great ride.
There've been a few line-up changes since 2005's 'Forged By Fire' and new (and gloriously named) vocalist Apollo Papathanasio (formerly of Majestic and Time Requiem) steps up to the plate and scores a raft of home runs on his debut. 'Ready To Strike' prove that Bruce Dickinson-esque operatics ain't a problem, while the ballad-paced mid-section shows he's equally at home with the delicate stuff too. His duet with Swedish singer/songwriter Tara on 'Breaking The Silence' is another storming performance but never threatens to overshadow her more restrained approach.
The other old/new face is drummer Mark Cross (ex-Helloween and Metalium) and if you've heard anything by those guys, you'll know that Firewind are in pretty safe hands - even if Helloween were rubbish.
And so to the music....finally...I knew you were getting bored. 'Allegiance' is a firecracker of an opener. A noisy industrial sample segues into a raucous hammering groove; stuffed with staccato drums, ethereal synths and a melodic chorus that should give Steve Harris more than a few sleepless nights.
Guitarist and founder Gus G. not only provides some crushing riffs on this album but also some ridiculously flashy and self-indulgent solos - and I mean that as a compliment. 'Dreamchaser' is a half-decent song made a classic by stinging mid-section and closing fret-burning runs, while on 'Insanity', he rivals Steve Vai in the finger-bleeding stakes.
There's also plenty of evidence that G appreciates the importance of the organic evolution of a guitar solo and when to keep things simple (don't laugh - this is a serious point you bastards). On 'Falling To Pieces', the aforementioned 'Ready To Strike', 'The Essence' and the slow-burning instrumental ballad 'Before The Storm' (which reminded this reviewer of Gary Moore at his best - an event that sadly occurs far too seldom), his solos are particularly evocative and his axe drips with a savage beauty.
While 'Deliverance' is a stoically stodgy affair, it's merely a blip. The following 'Till The End Of Time' is a hoot. A fantastically frenetic, flashy and fervent inclusion, it rivals vintage Maiden in its breathtaking ostentatiousness - and that's saying something. Pounding drums complement a supremely hard-edged riff and utterly over-the-top harmonising on both the guitar and vocal tracks. It's only a shame that it fades out at the end - I reckon a double-riff finish would have sealed the deal perfectly.
Closer 'Where Do We Go From Here?' is a complete headfuck. If you ever wanted to hear what would happen if you tossed your Whitesnake, Guns N' Roses and Bon Jovi CDs in a blender and threw the switch, here's your answer: It's great.
Firewind may not be the most original band to be found in the metal scene at the moment - but they're definitely the most fun. For a truly exceptional and high enjoyable fifty minutes of head-banging, this album is hard to beat. Just like Maiden, Firewind make an exquisite racket - and for once, the promo sheet nailed it - "Pledge your allegiance."