Firing blanks...or should that be pebbles?
The ridiculously named Dogs (although give them credit for not sliding a "The" in there) would have you believe that 'This Stone Is A Bullet' is a provocative, resonant and insightful political diatribe that magnificently deconstructs, demystifies and ultimately demonises the villains of the current political climate. It doesn't, and to be honest I'm taking bets that McFly will do a better job when they get around to releasing their new single (oh, I pray for rain...).
Despite their early singles 'London Bridge' AND (?!) 'She's Got A Reason' garnering the "reward" of both being named Zane Lowe's 'Hottest Record In The World Right Now' and Colin & Edith (the Chuckle Brothers of the radio world) naming Dogs' third single 'Selfish Ways' as a 'Single of the Week' (a remarkable achievement I'm sure you'll agree), it's hard to imagine 'This Stone Is A Bullet' appealing to anyone in possession of a mental age comparable, or superior to a deranged cross-dressing marmoset with OCD and no teeth.
The single is marketed as 'tongue-in-cheek...humorous...soul-bearing'...I'm having none of it - it's just plain bad. In this age of post-modernistic fluff, it's easy to dress up resounding failures as 'ironic' or 'tongue-in-cheek'. In my book, when any idea - be it a song, a movie, a television show or a play - ends up on its arse, the individuals responsible should have the balls to admit they fucked up. They should take a slap on the arse with a slipper, promise they'll never do it again and get back to work. Labelling toss like this as 'tongue-in-cheek' gives the perpetrators themselves and other like-minded idiots carte blanche to commit atrocities of similar or greater inanity over and over again - and without suffering suitable punishment. Take a bow Mr David Lee Roth...
The Jam was a band whose legacy is a handful of half-decent singles, one half-decent album and an abiding realisation that not one of them had a half-decent haircut - yet the sycophantic members of Dogs appear to regard these overrated purveyors of watery political comment as revolutionary social pugilists and, furthermore, deem them worthy of emulation. This is absolutely unbelievable...UNBELIEVABLE I tell you!
Vocalist Johnny imitates Weller's bouncy pronunciation perfectly (just listen to how he verbalises "runaway" ("run-a-wahey" if you're intent on saving your sanity), while the sub-standard guitar riff and cacophonous drum track appear to have been nicked from The Clash's dustbin - and probably after Simonon used it as a toilet.
Lyrically and perhaps most astonishingly, 'This Stone Is A Bullet' singles out Young Conservatives as worthy of condemnation. Why - they're only young-uns! While I have no love of the Tories whatsoever, (let's face it, a politicians are as bad as each other) it makes more sense to take a look at the country we're all living in, and, more specifically at who's actually running the bloody thing. Correct me if I'm wrong, but heinous as they were, I can't remember Thatcher or Major initiating a war against countries that hadn't started one first. Nor do I remember them appearing in ridiculous Comic Relief sketches, swilling champs with rock stars, allowing their deputies to bash people up for throwing eggs or employing inane health freaks as personal stylists. There's plenty more ammunition out there amongst those Lefties guys - why don't you use it?
If you can actually be bothered to listen to this junk, you'll be struck by the line, "Is ignorance habitual?" In the case of Dogs, it seems it most definitely is.
P.S. All of the above is "tongue-in-cheek" - this record is actually a belter.
P.P.S. I'm joking...obviously...