Get me to one...quick...
It's hard to believe that Clinic are ten years old. It seems only a couple of years since 'Internal Wrangler' was making the tinny stereos plugged into the cracks in the walls of college and university dormitories bleed with incomprehension. But that's life I guess. You get born, you keep your head down for a bit and then you die.
B-side albums are tricky...very tricky. Are they just a cheap way of making cash or, as Domino records would have you believe an exercise in "thinly veiled extortion"? Well...yes...of course they are. There's no getting around the fact that B-side and rarities records are cynically targeted towards the hardcore fans. I mean who else is gonna buy Nirvana's 'With The Lights Out' apart from a completist fanatic and those idiotic spotty-faced-skate-emo-trash-weasels who walk around wearing "Kurt Cobain 1967 - 1994" t-shirts (1994 being the year of their birth in all likelihood)?
This is the reason why B-Sides and Rarities records usually aren't very good. I mean, there's a reason why a track isn't included on an album and gets thrown onto the flipside of a 7". It's because it's rubbish. Let's keep Nirvana in mind for a second shall we? What was the flipside to 'In Bloom'? 'Sliver (Live)'. Now I like Nirvana as much as the next well-adjusted muso but I don't own a copy of 'Sliver'. Why? Because I've heard it and its rubbish. That's one thing that the download market has got over the traditional record shop. 79p or 99p or whatever - you're paying for only one track. You don't get twenty-five Todd Terry/William Orbit remixes or a live version of an obscure album track that no one likes anyway and the record company only put on the record because the total running time would have only been fifteen seconds if they didn't. Thank the Lord.
So Clinic (or maybe their record company) have decided that ten years in the business is a large enough milestone to release their B-sides album 'Funf'. Short review? It's for completists. Long review? Well alright then...
'The Majestic' is the instrumental sufy-style opener with Hartley blitzing away on the autoharp and organ; Turney's staccato guitars all present and correct and a modicum of Campbell fuzz threading its way throughout. Business as usual then. It's just a shame it doesn't go anywhere and bores the hell out of you after twenty seconds - and as the track is only two minutes long - that's saying something.
Thankfully 'Nicht' is a return to the fuzzy wall-of-sound hardcore impenetrableness that made 'Internal Wrangler' such a headbanging classic, while 'The Castle' catches up with the more mellow psychedelic organ-heavy Doors-esque material - and it's probably the highlight of the album.
'Castle I' and 'The Scythe' are classy Iggy & The Stooges/Television/Velvet Underground rip-offs (that's a good thing) and 'Dissolution; The Dream Of Bartholomew' is a raucous, ethereal stomp into hell with the fuzz so fuzzy, you'd think Campbell's contribution was playing a kazoo in a bath. 'Magic Boots' is also great tongue-in-cheek punky fun.
On the downside, you also get the terrible quasi-ballad 'Christmas' which reminded me of Gary Jules's cover of 'Mad World'. Was I upset? Believe me; the cut-throat razor was almost pressed into action. 'You Can't Hurt You Anymore' is blander than a Bernard Matthews Turkey Roll and 'Lee Shan' sounds like indie porn film music. I can only assume 'Golden Rectangle' makes an appearance because the album running time needed a bolstering. Oh the irony.
Devoted fans of Clinic will love this album - don't argue with me - I asked one and he thought it was great. Casual fans might find a few bits and pieces to satisfy - don't argue with me - I'm a casual fan. Anyone that thinks Clinic are fucking rubbish will probably fucking hate it - um...has anyone got their hand up?